


Macho Man

by addledwalrus



Category: Original Work
Genre: 1970s, Acts of Kindness, Anger, Anger Management, Arrogance, Asian Character(s), Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Boyfriends, Breakfast, Butts, Chest Hair, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Coffee, Comfort, Comfort Food, Crying, Cultural Differences, Daydreaming, Days of the week, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/M, Father Figures, Flirting, Gender Roles, Heteronormativity, Heterosexuality, Hispanic Character, Historical, Historical References, Homoeroticism, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Imagination, Italian-American Character, Kindness, Lazy Sex, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Male Protagonist, Masculinity, Mechanics, Men Crying, Mirrors, Mornings, Mother Complex, Nurses, Parody, Pizza, Pop Culture, Psychological Trauma, Rage, Religious Content, Running, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Tension, Shock, Stereotypes, Threats, Toast, Trauma, Vanity, Xenophobia, manliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 21:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17129126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addledwalrus/pseuds/addledwalrus
Summary: Lenny Falcone's sexually charged and totally not homoerotic week.





	Macho Man

**Monday**

Lenny abruptly opened his eyes and was sorely disappointed that he could no longer engage in water fights with the Charlie's Angels.

_"Oh, Jaclyn. I will get you next time..."_

He threw off the blanket and trudged over to his dresser, above which hung a large oval shaped mirror.

The fact that he had slept in didn't deter him from admiring his own hairy chest and the poster of Farrah Fawcett taped to the adjacent wall.

He would need to take it down by Saturday, the day when his new girlfriend Gina had informed him she would visit.

She was a great cook and easy to satisfy in bed, traits which he thought made any woman a keeper.

He put on some cologne before getting dressed for his job as a mechanic and having a nice salami sandwich for breakfast.

* * *

**Tuesday**

_"That's a fine ass you've got there. So firm and tight..."_

The object of his attention sensed that they were being leered at and turned to stare accusingly.

"What are you looking at me for? Is there something wrong?" New employee Steve asked with ill will in his voice, just like any insecure young man whom was unsure of his place in the world.

"Nothing." Lenny replied without shame, for he was  _definitely_ confident with his own sexuality. "I always appreciate great butts. Doesn't matter who they belong to."

Steve's face drained of blood and his mouth dropped open slightly.

"I guess you accept the compliment?"

Steve did not say anything in response and when Lenny attempted to shove him playfully, the traumatized twenty-one year old stayed rooted to his spot like a tree.

"Woah, you're stiffer than my dick after I leave the erotic theater."

Steve resumed movement upon hearing this additional statement.

"Talk to me like that again and I'll end you. I have a girlfriend, you know."

"Hey, what a coincidence. So do I..."

* * *

**Wednesday**

Lenny went for a jog in the park after work and was distracted by a pair of pretty young women. He turned back to follow them in the hopes of striking up conversation, but they started to run faster for some reason.

He gave up and let them go, before stopping to rest on a nearby bench.

_"Those birds don't know what they're missing. Oh well, I have enough company as it is..."_

It was delusional for him to believe that anyone other than Gina and his mother could tolerate him at his worst.

He'd hoped that some common ground could be found with young Steve, but now it seemed like the guy was just another example of Irish prudishness.

The sole exception he knew so far was his boss' wife Judith. The mother of two had hardly batted an eye when she discovered him using the shower during a visit.

As a nurse, she would have been quite accustomed to seeing the human body, though he liked to think that she was instead awestruck by the size of his manhood.

"Forget Sylvester Stallone.  _I'm_ the real Italian Stallion." He said brazenly without any regard for the elderly couple strolling past.

They both came to a stop and gaped at him like he was some madman.

* * *

**Thursday**

He still wasn't completely accustomed to cooking his own meals, so he decided to take the easy way out by ordering a pizza with extra pepperoni and cheese.

_"Please let it be the girl from last week..."_

The doorbell rang half an hour later and he rushed from the sofa to answer.

A young man in uniform stood in the hall, sweat covering his forehead as he held the prized pizza box.

Lenny inferred from the delivery boy's physical features that he was Hispanic and either working to support his family or earn money for education.

"So, pizza boy. What's your name?"

"Manolo. Why do you ask?"

"Manolo, do you wanna come in with me? I can't remember where I left my wallet..."

"No, what do you take me for? It's against policy to enter a customer's home."

"Oh, really. That's not how it goes in the movies..." Lenny countered whilst kneeling down and pretending to search around his sofa.

"This is real life, sir. I have to report back to my boss and I can't keep waiting."

"Alright. Here's the money..."

Lenny fished a five dollar note out of his pocket and handed it to Manolo.

"There you go. Keep the change, you deserve it..."

Manolo gave him the pizza in return before swiftly leaving.

 _"He_  wasn't very spicy..." Lenny remarked when he was sure the young man was out of earshot.

* * *

**Friday**

An unexpected client arrived at the garage in the afternoon. Lenny's first glimpse of them was a high-heeled shoe stepping on to the floor and he tried to imagine the leg that went along with it.

He wasn't disappointed when he was finally able to slip out on the creeper. The visitor was none other than local bombshell and small-time actress Julie Fontana.

She was even more attractive in person and he could only wonder whether she liked strong, hairy men.

Lenny turned to look at Steve in the hope of observing how the young man reacted to a pretty lady, but found that he was still focused entirely on his work.

_"I feel bad for your girlfriend. Sex with you must be pretty boring."_

A sequence featuring a naked and faceless young woman lying beneath Steve played out in his mind. Her audible yawns were enough to put an amused grin on his face.

"Hey, Lenny..." A feminine voice spoke sweetly, interrupting the daydream. He raised his head and put on a straight face so that he wouldn't appear creepy.

"Yes, Miss Fontana?"

"Are you coming to church this Sunday? We haven't seen you for a while..."

"To church? I sure am, if I get to look at you."

"Really? You're so sweet...now, who do I talk to around here? Is the boss present?"

"Yeah. He's over there with Phil."

"Thanks, I'll leave you boys alone now."

Steve broke focus as soon as Julie was out of sight.

"Thank God she didn't recognize me..." He said quietly in relief.

Lenny wasn't sure what to make of such words.

"Face and butt aside, how on earth did a guy like you get laid?"

* * *

**Saturday**

A trip to the central part of town to drop his leather jacket off at the dry cleaner's lead to a sobering discovery.

He thought that he had taken a wrong turn at first, for gone were Silvano and Rosetta whom used to call him their favorite customer.

It seemed that a young Asian woman had taken their place and as she approached, he could only back away in horror at the sight of her tan skin and narrow eyes.

"Hello, how can I help you?" She asked politely in accented English.

"Bitch, get away from me!"

He ran from the store without giving her a second glance and stopped out in the street to regain his breath.

_"Damn Vietnamese...why do they have to come here?!"_

His heart sank when he looked up to find that the sign was still the same. It was indeed Silvano and Rosetta's business.

_"Who let them into this country?! They took my Dad!"_

He curled his hand into a fist and slammed it into the nearest wall hard enough that one of his knuckles cracked open.

Memories of his father's face and voice flashed once again through his mind. He remembered the day when his father donned a uniform and made twelve year old him promise to take care of his mother until he returned.

The bittersweet recollection quickly gave way to Lenny imagining how his father must have screamed while being tortured.

* * *

**Sunday**

Once again, Lenny couldn't find the will to attend church despite his promises. Gina had come over the previous night to find him sitting distraught on the sofa and like the nice girl she was, had comforted him while handing over one tissue after another.

He woke up late in the morning to the smell of coffee and guessed that Gina was now preparing breakfast.

Sure enough, she soon emerged from the kitchen with a steaming mug and plate of French toast.

"Here, drink this espresso. It'll give you strength..." She urged, holding out the mug and allowing him to see clearly the dark liquid inside.

He obeyed and took a careful sip before wrinkling his face in response to the bitterness.

"You really are the best. I don't know what I'd be without you..."


End file.
